OLD ABRAHAM, THE SPLITTER
Old Abe’san honest, able man,
Non abler, truer, fitter
For President; but Fate ordained
That he should be a splitter!
When he was young – ‘tis said that he
Began his occupation
By splitting rails, out in the west
Of the great Yankee nation.
And when a man – so snarlers tell –
And law was his employment,
Then chopping logic, splitting hairs
He made his great enjoyment.
And still, when’er you to him go,
A “jawing” or “a chaffing,”
He’ll crack a joke, or tell a tale,
And you will split with laughing!
But now the greatest rent of all
Has made the nations wonder,
For when they made him president
It splitthe States asunder!
And this was how it came about
(True to his nature ever)
He told the people he’d begin
The Negro’s chains to sever!
But splitting rails is honest work,
And splitting hairs is – clever,
And laughter’s healthy – doctors say –
So – Honest Abe for ever!
Will yet unite (you titter),
But when they do they both will praise
Old Abraham, the Splitter.